72.

homosexuality. (The idea of the phallic Wan is the foundation of the psychoanalytical interpretation of transvestism as will be seen in the 2nd installment of the medical article beginning in this issue of TVia) Since I had never had at that time any interest in homosexuality (and have never had since) this was an- other unsatisfactory explanation. Although I loved high heels, I loved them because they were a character- istic part of the whole feminine picture and were inter- esting to me just as were lingerie, makeup, jewelry etc. So again I had to discard psychiatry as being of no help. A later visit to a lady psychiatrist whom I felt might have some broader understanding (no pun intended) prooved equally fruitless.

Finally, since I was living in San Francisco at the time I went to see Dr. Karl Bowman, then Director of the Langley Porter Clinic and past president of the Amer. Psychiatric Assn. I had been able to attend several of the psychiatric conferences held at the clinic where 2 TVs had been presented with their histories for dis- eussion and study. Because the clinic was taking such an interest in the subject I felt that Dr. Bowman could help me, and he did, but not in the way I had expected. Thinking that he would give me some pat explanation as to how TVism comes about, its mechanism, and therefore a means of "euring" it, I was all set to finally be free of this implulse. But the good doctor made it clear to me that TVism may arise in many ways, that it was a deep drive and not likely to be erased unless the patient really and sincerely wanted it erased (and who does, really? I dont think any organism, human or otherwise ever wants to give up a pleasure giving experience un- less the cost of that pleasure is much greater than the satisfaction of it. In this case the pleasurable and satisfying experience would doubtless be given up vol- untarily and there would be no need for a psychiatrist.

In view of this he said that the best counsel he could give me was to ACCEPT myself as I was, be happy and stop fighting. This is very similar to Confuscious '